Did you know you can choose what your mind focuses on?
Most of the time, our brains are subconsciously choosing what we notice.
Like when a friend tells you a story, and you don't hear a single word they said, even though they were right next to you, because you were thinking about something else.
Or when you buy a new Toyota Camry and start seeing them EVERYWHERE, even though you never noticed them.
While those are trivial examples, there's a much worse thing our brains easily focus on that could be hurting your dating life:
The negative.
Human brains have what's called a negativity bias, meaning we notice the bad over the good more frequently. In human history, being attuned to danger was a matter of life or death.
Luckily, today, we don't have predators roaming our backyards, and, for the most part, a guy you met from Bumble isn't much of a threat. Yet, the negativity bias still exists.
For dating, this means we're focusing on everything wrong with people rather than what's right.
If you come home from a date, are you mentally listing everything you didn't like about the person?
If you're dating someone and they disappoint you, are other annoyances with them suddenly flooding your head?
Why does this matter? Well, you could skip a second date with someone great for you or take your partner for granted.
Plus, thinking about negatives will affect your mood, which definitely isn't fun.
Instead, work on shifting your focus to the positive.
If you're single...
When you come home from a date, try not to fall back on listing everything you didn't like about them. Instead, challenge yourself to think of at least three things you didn't like about them.
Perhaps noticing the positives will open your eyes to how great someone is.
If you're in a relationship...
Start keeping a note on your phone of the cute, kind, and caring things your partner does for you. You'll start to train your brain to notice the positives AND you're keeping a list of memories. A win-win!
Once you feel your focus shifted in your dating life, you can begin applying this shift to other parts of your life!
And hey, I'll be the first to admit that I struggle with this-- it's not easy, so take it slow and be patient with yourself.
But also know that what's on the other side is seeing everything positive life has to offer. Sounds pretty great, if you ask me!
If you struggle with feeling insecure and overthinking when you date, check out my free dating anxiety journal prompts.
If you want to move towards feeling confident and secure when looking for love, grab your copy of my 30-day dating guide, "From Anxious to Secure."
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