Have you ever thought about how you want to feel when dating?
I have many of my clients do future-self journaling and write down all the ways they want to feel in their future relationship, but it's just as important to think about how you want to feel when dating.
Because, the fact is, dating doesn't have to feel like a soul-suck.
You can design a dating life that is effective and FEELS GOOD.
So my question is simple: how do you want to feel when dating?
Consider how your dating life has felt thus far. Which of those feelings do you like? Which do you dislike?
What would you like more of in your dating life? If you're drawing a blank, may I suggest: ease, calm, flow, empowerment, fun, excitement, or intention.
Once you decide how you want your dating life to feel, consider what parts of your dating life hold you back from feeling those.
Maybe you want more ease, but it's overwhelming every time you use dating apps.
Perhaps more empowerment sounds pretty damn nice, but you feel small on first dates.
Once you pinpoint the parts of your dating life holding you back from how you want to feel, you know what needs to change.
To use the two examples above:
To bring more ease into your dating life, limit how much you use dating apps (set an alarm even) or forgo dating apps altogether. Focus your energy on finding someone IRL.
To feel more empowered, practice bragging about yourself (which isn't bad!) with your friends. Then, slowly try incorporating that into how you show up for dates.
It's also important to decide for yourself things like:
How many dates can I go on a month and still have time to see my friends, invest time in hobbies, and feel like myself?
Which app do I want to focus on, instead of spreading my energy then amongst several apps?
What're first date ideas I'd actually enjoy doing? Spoiler: grabbing drinks isn't for everyone!
How can I "treat myself" when I'm feeling down about dating?
What're mindset shifts I want to work on to make dating feel less personal?
Too many people think, "I just need to get through this dating thing until I find someone." They don't stop to consider how they can make dating more enjoyable along the way.
Check out my free dating anxiety journal prompts to help you understand yourself more and the changes you want. to make in dating.
If you want to move towards feeling confident and secure when looking for love, grab your copy of my 30-day dating guide "From Anxious to Secure."