Physical attraction is primal. To have someone be physically attracted to you feels great, sure. But it doesn’t say much about who you are, beyond your face symmetry and physique.
When it comes to love and relationships, our deepest desire is for someone to be emotionally attracted to us. Ego and sexual desire drive physical attraction but belonging and feeling understood drive emotional attraction.
With only physical attraction, you have lust. Add in emotional attraction, and you stand a chance at love.
But how do you know someone is emotionally attracted to you? How can you differentiate between someone caught up in the idea of who you are, based on your outer shell, and a person who sees all of you and wants more?
Well, the answer to that question is different for everyone. But, there are common signs you can begin looking out for if you’re wondering if someone is emotionally attracted to you.
They respect your opinions.
I’ve been in many relationships where my partners brushed aside my opinion as “silly” or “unimportant.” Reflecting on those relationships, I can now know that what held our relationship together wasn’t emotionally healthy.
When someone is emotionally attracted to you, your view of the world is alluring to them. They want to hear what’s in the crevices of your mind, even if what they find doesn’t align perfectly with their views.
Emotional attraction thrives off communication and revealing authentic parts of yourself. So if you do that and the other person wants to know more and more, that’s a great sign.
They actively keep you updated.
A great way to tell how much someone values your presence in their life is if they fill you in on all of the exciting (or, sometimes, not exciting) events that happen. They may send a quick text message to do so, but it’s the fact that they want to keep you updated that matters.
Think of it this way: if you received a new job promotion out of the blue, who do you tell first? Maybe your parents or best friend. Why? Because you have an emotional bond that makes you want to share the happy news with them.
The same goes for someone you’re dating. If they’re emotionally attracted to you, you’ll be in the loop on all the exciting things that happen to them.
They respect your boundaries.
I dated a guy who I met through a friend in college. We were kissing on our third date, and he tried to take things further. I didn’t feel comfortable with him, so I said I wanted to wait. But he persisted.
I held firm on my boundary. So firm that the guy called me a “prude.” Cleary he cared about being physical more than he cared about my emotional well-being.
Maybe, on some level, he felt an emotional attraction, but not enough to respect my boundaries. Once that happened, I didn’t feel safe with him. I wasn’t interested in dating someone who cared so much about being physical with me that he’d forego my comfort.
When someone is emotionally attracted to you, they understand that your boundaries are part of you. There’s no reason to try to change or push past them because they want your emotional well-being more than their needs being temporarily met.
You spend hours talking like it’s nothing.
There’s nothing I love more than having deep conversations with people. It’s a key indicator that I’m emotionally attracted to someone; when I can talk to them for hours and it feels like only minutes passed.
This kind of psychological “flow,” as some may call it, happens when two people enjoy each other’s presence beyond physical attraction. You’re interested in their mind and want to explore all the crevices that exist within it.
Enjoying the simple act of talking with someone is a great sign you’re emotionally attracted to them. If that enthusiasm is returned, then you can bet their attraction is more than physical or lust-filled.
They ask for your advice on things.
People don’t ask for advice from just anyone. You probably have plenty of friends, colleagues, or acquaintances that you don’t mind spending time with, but you wouldn't go seeking their opinion on the argument you had with your best friend.
When someone comes to you for advice, it means a few things. The first is that they respect you; your thoughts on a matter that doesn’t involve you means something to them. Don’t overlook that.
The second is that they trust you. They’re probably showing some vulnerability opening up to you with this issue they're dealing with. Plus, they trust that whatever advice you give will be in their best interest.
Respect? Trust? Vulnerability? Those all sound pretty like an emotion-driven attraction to me.
You’ve had vulnerable moments with each other.
It’s scary being vulnerable with someone. It means you’re giving them potential ammunition to hurt you. Plus, many people grew up being told that vulnerability is a sign of weakness; that sharing too much of yourself means you’re somehow less of a person. I mean, look at Brene Brown. She has an entire book and Netflix special specifically on vulnerability.
When somehow chooses to be vulnerable with you, appreciate and encourage that. It means they feel emotionally safe with you. They want you to see that they’re not this stoic human that everyone else in their life experiences.
The most significant difference between a physical and emotional attraction will always be vulnerability.
Love is what blossoms when an emotional attraction between two people is realized. As I said, we can have a physical attraction with many people. But an emotional attraction? That’s a bit more special.
So if you’re wondering if the person in your life is emotionally attracted to you, keep an eye out for these signs. And if their behaviors confirm what you’ve been wondering, cherish what you have.
It’s a beautiful thing to meet someone who’s attracted to all of you.
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