Yesterday I had a conversation with a client who felt she was dating "wrong."
A well-meaning friend (who's already coupled up) gave her dating advice about how they met their partner.
My client sat there and listened to the advice but could feel herself becoming triggered. In her gut, she felt the advice wasn't right for her, yet she wondered if she was doing something wrong. The mentality, "if they found a partner, why can't I!?" raced through her mind.
It's easy to compare your circumstances to other people's but rarely is it helpful. Everyone is different, and when you compare apples to oranges, you will feel inadequate and probably confused AF.
The fact is: there's no "right" way to date. Everyone finds love in different ways. What worked for my client's friend probably won't work for you.
Even the dating advice I give isn't meant for everyone. I focus on helping people, often high-achieving women, who struggle with self-esteem, have difficulty showing up authentically on dates, and feel hopeless. Give me a man who considers themselves "alpha" and wants a submissive women, and I'll send them to a different coach who better suits their needs.
What's important is you find dating advice that feels right and is meant for someone like you. Dating is hard enough; listening to advice that makes you feel insecure or confused, ain't it!
So what should you do when you receive unsolicited advice or see a beautiful couple on Tiktok and wonder what you're doing wrong? Try these:
Create a boundary. If dating advice from people in your life is a trigger, tell the person, "I'd rather not talk about this topic, but I'd love to talk about something else."
Use buffet-thinking. What part of this story, advice, or scenario is helpful/makes you feel good (aka, which foods look yummy)? What parts will you leave because they're not for you (aka, the foods you dislike)?
Have a strong dating strategy. Since you follow me, chances are, you're an anxious dater. Become clear on ways to date that help you feel calm, build your self-esteem, and show up authentically. Not sure how to do that? Check out my 30-day dating guide here .
It's great to want to date differently, but not if there's shame or guilt involved. There's no right or wrong way to date, but you can tweak things to find what works better for you. 🤍
Check out my free dating anxiety journal prompts to help you understand yourself more and the changes you want. to make in dating.
If you want to move towards feeling confident and secure when looking for love, grab your copy of my 30-day dating guide "From Anxious to Secure."